I was really hoping to wake up and feel better this morning. Oh well, I guess more of the same today. My legs drive me NUTS when my symptoms flare. I wonder if any of my fellow Spoonies understand what I mean when I say they feel heavy, like they are full of lead. They ache just like when I was a kid and had those awful night-time growing pains but much more intense. To add insult to injury I feel like my skin in on fire, like sunburn while my blood is running cold like iced-water.
I am light-headed and feel odd in a way that is hard to explain. Almost like being a bit drunk or something, it is so hard to explain and even harder to not get down about. I can deal with the numb face, this has been my longest (and first that I noticed) symptom so it is just something that lives with me. It is the stuff that comes and goes that gets to me, I never know from day to day which physical oddity is going to test me.
I wish I knew what had caused my body to slip back into this symptomatic phase after it seemed I was getting "better". Am I EVER going to get better or is this it now? I sure was lulled into a false sense of security over the last couple of weeks of feeling good (and like my old self).What did it? Was it the 5k run? Is it stress? Is it just how it is going to be forever and there is no rhyme or reason? I hope not because at least if there is a reason then I have a chance of being able to control it. See? There I go again, wanting to control this flipping mystery that has taken over my body.
On top of all that my kidney is hurting like a Mo-Fo today. Brilliant.
I have had a LOT of stress on a personal level dealing with children and ex's. There is other stuff going on that I can't really share that is weighing heavy on my mind too. I tend to dwell on stuff and get all stressed about things I can't change, I know this is having an effect on my daily symptoms but I can't control how I am. I wish I could just "switch off" sometimes and tell all these little voices in my head to shut the F up. Just to be clear, I don't have actual voices in my head, I am not crazy but you know what I mean (hopefully).
I know people say that you shouldn't get stressed because it makes symptoms worse but life doesn't work like that does it? Exercise is supposed to be great for reducing stress but I think running is definitely out of the question for me right now. I don't have time to get to the gym for yoga classes so I am a bit stuffed with that right now. I really want to lose about 5lbs but I'm not going to do that sitting on my arse watching the Jeremy Kyle show. My body however is calling the shots - totally bloody frustrating.
Oh well, I guess there are people worse off and getting down in the dumps isn't going to help is it? It is really hard not to though, just saying!
So enough about me, how are YOU?
Hi hunny. Well, how am I? you ask. I'ce been diagnosed with costochodritisor asI am calling it now costa coffee itis. It'san inflammation of the ribs and cartillidge in between them. And it hurts. However, at least I know what it is and isn't, in theory, related to my MS.
ReplyDeleteYour life isn't sounding too great right now and, while I think that your fabulous blog is probably theraputic, have you had any councilling or whatever to cope with all the other shiz you can't /don't feel comfortable talking about on here? I need some more. I'd say that probably the major cause of you suffering at the moment is your stress levels. And not a lot you can do anything about...
I hope stress levels reduce and you feel a bit better. How does swimming suit you?
Take care,
Suzanne xxxx
some people find that their ms has a seasonal trigger due to changing weather, for most its the spring. for some even a sudden rise or fall in the barometric pressure can trigger it. But realisticly only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteWR
Keep us posted about how you are doing. I think putting your feelings down can be therapeutic, I've recently started journaling again. What you described about the legs-heavy, numb, & the hot and cold feeling, feeling drunk and dizzy, is exactly the same for me. Try to pace yourself, cause when I over do, I pay for it the next few days. Sending prayers and hugs your way. Teresa
ReplyDelete