Being Sick Sucks Balls

Good Morning Bleeps.

Well this stinks.

I have had a couple (maybe just over) of really good weeks. I wouldn't say symptom free but I would say pretty darn close. I was starting to think this invisible monster was getting bored living with me and all my moaning and had decided to leave home and me in peace.

On Friday I decided that I would go for a run. Yes, you read that right; a RUN! I did 5k in 33 minutes, which is slower than my pre "being taken over by this illness" time but not bad considering my running shoes haven't hit the ground in eight months.

I felt a bit tearful half way around my old circuit because I was struggling (which of course is to be expected) and it was a depressing reminder of my loss of fitness. I held it together and in the end I suppose I was quite pleased that I didn't give up and managed to complete the target that I set for myself.

Saturday I could hardly walk. Seriously, I was walking as though I had pooped my pants. NOT a good look at all. On top of that I had a yoga class booked. I wasn't sure if I should go or not, would it make my muscles worse or help to stretch them out? I decided to go for it and actually although it was a hard class it did loosen me a bit.

Sunday was nice and relaxing. We went for a lazy pub roast lunch (and a glass of wine) and just chilled.

Monday: BAM!

I woke up completely full of symptoms. Dizzy, numb, tingly, squiffy vision, tightness in my throat, foggy brain and just that horrible feeling of not being quite "present" in the room. Had I overdone it? Maybe my body was just rebelling as a reminder to take it easy.

Yesterday was pretty much the same and I am now on my third day of feeling awful again and I am so fed up with it. I really saw a light at the end of the tunnel over the last few weeks and now I feel like I have been propelled back to crappy land. I feel really fed up over it. I know stressing out makes symptoms worse but really if you can stay stress free through this crap then please let me know how because I feel like I am going bloody mad.

I have my MRI appointment for this weekend and although the Neurologist said he would do them with contrast, the appointment has come through without. I called his secretary and left messages but haven't been able to speak to her yet. What do I do? Stressed!

I returned the heart monitor to the cardiology department on Feb 22nd. I followed up on April 12th, asking them when I will get results because I sure as hell still have the chest pains. I was assured they would rush me an appointment. Rush??? It was already almost 2 months later. I just got my appointment for my follow up and it is August 20th. Almost SIX MONTHS after the last test. I get chest pains often so do I just ASSUME that no news is good news? I am sorry but with the way I have been treated by the NHS I don't have much faith. I am so fed up with it all.

I had my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago to try to get to the bottom of this pain and it was revealed that my right kidney has deteriorated even more. I should be going back to my GP to follow up and get referred but I don't have the energy or the fight in me right now. I am at the stage of 'what's the bloody point of keep fighting when nobody in the medical profession seems to care?' I have a CT scan coming up with contrast of my chest and have recently read that the contrast isnt good if you have kidney problems. Who knows if that's true? I feel so confused.

I get told to "keep positive" and boy am I am trying but it is so hard when people don't really understand (and I dont expect them to really) how I feel.

I haven't even had it in me to blog (as you may have noticed) because what is there to say? I am still none the wiser but it seemed like it was getting a bit better. Now that I am on my third crappy day and I feel like I am back on the hamster wheel - I just want off!

I want to be able to go for a run. I want to have energy. I want a face that doesn't feel numb and weird. I want to be able to work without getting electrical zaps shooting up my arm every time I move the mouse. I want bloody answers!!! Oh and I want to go to Tenerife!

So enough about me, how are YOU?