Don't Get Your Knickers In A Twist!

I thought that this morning I would share an embarrassing moment with you.

On Saturday I went into town with Phil to get out of the house and also to get a little bit of exercise as I seem to spending a lot of time on the sofa lately (thank goodness I work from home).

I had to hold onto Phil's arm as we navigated around the high street as I felt quite dizzy.  It was quite disorientating as people walked towards and around us, I felt as though I was floating or as if I was walking on jelly (that's jello for my friends across the pond) and it seemed as though everyone else was whizzing by at high speed.

However, it was nice to be out despite the way I was feeling and so I decided to take advantage of being in town and pop into a well-known clothing shop to buy some new jeans.

I grabbed a couple of pairs in different styles and headed to the changing room to try them on.  I selected the first cubicle, pulled the flimsy curtain closed and undressed.

Now, I need to digress a little here as I want to tell you about something that happened to someone very close to me, which had an impact on the way I dress.

This person had a horrible sporting accident that resulted in them having to be taken to hospital in an ambulance.  Though this person had awful injuries (that staff said looked like the result of a motorcycle accident) one of the main things that horrified her was that her underwear was old and full of holes and she was embarrassed.


It made me chuckle at the time because we are so similar in the way we think and I would have felt equally mortified.  Thankfully she made a full recovery from both her injuries and embarrassment. Ever since I have always made sure that my underwear is pretty and matching (you never know if you're going to get in an accident).

This Saturday I was very glad for this because you see as I lifted my leg to put into the jeans I completely lost my balance, stumbled backwards and fell BOTTOM FIRST through the curtain.  My bum (and thankfully pretty knickers) on full display.  I quickly jumped back into my cubicle and spent the rest of the time leaning my bottom on the side wall to avoid more tipping over.

Of course, being the changing room closest to the door meant that I would have been in full view of the people in the store (and husbands waiting for their wives/girlfriends) and who knows if they saw anything but I just walked out with my head down and eyes on the floor, too embarrassed to make eye contact with anyone.

Mental  note to dizzy self: always lean on something hard when trying on clothes.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

My New Clothing Line?

Yesterday started out quite well.  My symptoms, although present, weren't as bad as they usually are which is surprising since I had hardly any sleep the night before.

I decided that I would take advantage of feeling a bit better and managed to get quite a lot of work done in the morning.

Now, I am a bit of control freak (a BIT? I hear my family say!) and although I have read that with this disease you should take it easy and try to not "over-do", it just isn't my style to do what I am told.

During my research on many websites, books and articles I have read of people with MS that run marathons, swim the channel and conquer dragons (I'm being facetious but you get my point) and so I am determined to control MS rather than let it control ME.  I want to battle with dragons!

With hindsight I probably did too much because by the time it came to do the school run I was feeling a bit "squiffy".  I had arranged to meet my daughter at a nearby supermarket (avoiding the awful school car park and getting food at the same time, win win!).  As I drove to the store I felt as though I was in control of a roller coaster instead of a VW Golf and by the time I got to my destination the ground was positively moving underneath me.  Please don't yell at me, I wont dizzy drive again. I have already been told off by my other half for not calling him but another issue I have is asking for help.

I navigated around the supermarket on the verge of hysterics as I walked on what felt like candy floss (that's cotton candy to my friends across the pond) and the aisles of the supermarket swam in front of me.  Shopping list in hand I was determined to get all of the items on it and soldier on.  What I actually wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry.

As I got near the last aisle I completely lost my balance and stumbled to the side.  Luckily I was holding tight to the trolley (cart) so I didn't fall on my bum and totally embarrass myself.  As I stumbled, a passing man shot me a look of total disgust and it occurred to me that this complete stranger thought I was drunk or high on something.  I suppose I must have looked quite a sight but it hurt, BAD, and it took every ounce of my strength not to completely lose the plot.

Once again my outward appearance was not matching what was going on inside my body.  I wanted to run away and hide in shame (although for now my running days are over so I would have had to crawl away) but then I thought to myself why should I let someone else's misconception (and judgement, the jerk) make me feel worse that I already did?

Maybe if I had an obvious outward sign of feeling unwell (or a T-shirt?) then maybe the same man might have offered a helping hand or asked me if I was OK.  Perhaps this is one of the lessons that I might have to learn as I get to grips with this thing - grow a thick skin and don't worry what other people think.  Through my whole life I have always worried far too much about what other people think of me and I have always wished that was something I could change.  MS might force me to to do just that so maybe I should look at it as a gift.


So enough about me, how are YOU?
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