Two More Sleeps

Good Morning Bleeps.

I took my first body balance class on Saturday, which went really well. It is a combination of Yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi. I was surprised how hard it was actually and my muscles have been quite sore over the last couple of days in that nice "worked out" way.

I hope you all had a lovely Easter (or weekend if you don't celebrate Easter). Mine was quite low-key, the kids of course had lots of chocolate and we had a family dinner with turkey and all the trimmings.

The girls had their usual egg hunt, which I wasn't going to do this year as I thought they were too old for it. I mentioned to Phil that I wasn't going to do it and he said "OK" but with a face that said "big, fat meanie" so I felt bad and did it anyway.  The girls, of course, loved it. Funny how kids think they are so grown up until the holidays come and they still want to hold on to their childhood traditions. Either that or it is just an excuse to get even more chocolate, can't blame them for that!

Yesterday was a bank holiday here in England and so quite predictably, the weather sucked. It always seems to happen. Holiday Monday = pouring rain. It actually didn't bother me too much because I felt awful and so it sort of forced us to stay home. I am used to the left side of my face going numb but yesterday my whole face was numb, including my tongue, lips and right down on to my neck. I felt like I was wearing a mask. I also felt dizzy, my eyes were cloudy/floggy and I had electrical zaps in my fingers and toes.

The kids (and Phil) played the WII for a few hours so I just sat and read my Kindle (I am loving the second book in the Hunger Games series right now) and tried to put my symptoms out of my mind. I cooked a hotpot with the left over turkey, which turned out yummy. I also baked a loaf of bread. I briefly mentioned my numb face to Phil but other than that I don't think anyone in the house was aware of how crummy I was feeling. I think I pulled it off OK.

Sometimes I wish one of my MSer friends lived here so that when I have a day like yesterday (and it would seem that today is going to be the same as my face is numb and I am dizzy) I could have a bloody good moan to someone and not feel guilty. I don't like to talk about my really bad days now, like I said I did mention to Phil that my face felt horrible and mask-like but that was it. I didn't go into detail and although there were moments when I wanted to let the tears flow, I held it together. Nobody has said or done anything to make me feel like I can't talk about it, it is just that I feel a sense of boredom from people when I do. It might be something that I am imagining but it just a gut feeling, I wonder if other people with chronic illnesses feel like this? Like a boring scratched record?

I don't mean that in a self-pitying "poor me" sort of way at all. It is what it is, I can't change it (whatever "it" is) and I certainly can't control or help it. It is just something that makes me think sometimes, usually on a day like today, when my symptoms seem to be running wild.

I only have two more "sleeps" as my kids would say until I go to the Neuro to get the results of my Lumbar Puncture and spine MRI. I had my original appointment at 12.45pm but got a letter the other day to let me know they have changed my appointment time to 4.45pm. I thought to myself  "bloody hell, like I haven't waited two months already, now I have to wait another four hours". Silly I know because it is just a few hours more but I already feel like I have waited a million years and I just want to know. I have gone back to being an insomniac over the last week and I am sure it is because my mind is racing and my stomach is in knots over the whole thing.

What if they are negative and he isn't happy to give me an official diagnosis (again)? Will I just stay as the "The Girl with the Abnormal Brain Scan?" Not quite as cool as "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is it? I do have a Tinkerbell tattoo so maybe I could just be "The Girl with the Tinkerbell Tattoo and Lesiony Brain". Hmm ... thinking that won't be a best-seller either!

Limbo sucks! I am just trying to keep my quickly fading humour about it all.

Anyway, the kids are still off school and I have a brochure to work on so I think Phil is going to take them to the cinema later. I will try and keep myself busy because I am going to pretend I don't feel like crap and just try to get through the next couple of days without going mad.

So enough about me, how are YOU?