It's been a while. I guess the truth is that I have been feeling quite well and so I was just getting on with my life.
I went to see my kidney specialist who informed me that although my kidney is tiny, it works and so it will be staying put for now. I guess it is good news (who needs another scar, right?) but in a way if I am honest I was disappointed. Why? Well I did some research about symptoms that can be caused by a badly functioning kidney and the list was long and included a LOT of my symptoms. I started to fantasize that if they took it out then it would take away all of these symptoms too. Wouldn't that be awesome?
I asked my Doc if it was working then why was I getting constant pain in the area. He said that my brain in likely sending messed up pain signals via my damaged nerves to that area. Brilliant - not!
Anyway, the last few months I have felt quite well. I have gone back to the gym, taking a variety of classes. I started out with Body Balance, which combines yoga and pilates (with some Tai Chi thrown in) and I LOVE it. I slowly added other classes such as Zumba and more recently Step.
As I have become stronger and fitter I have started to double up on my classes. Step for an hour followed by Body Balance. I was slowly turning back into a gym bunny, a throw back to my old life. Loving it and loving seeing the changes in my body - who knew I could change the shape of my bum in my 40s?
The thing about having a chronic illness however is that really, we can get lulled into a false sense of security because I have been knocked on my arse the last three days. I feel like I have gone into a time machine, back to the girl of a few months ago who sat every day, blogging while crying and blowing snot bubbles.
I have had to cancel my classes today because I cant get off the sofa without feeling like I am going to fall over. I am SO pissed at my body for betraying me. I am SO pissed that I have no control over this bloody thing. I am SO pissed that I dont have a Doctor I can turn to. I am SO pissed that my diagnosis is "probable MS". WTF does that even mean?
The last time I saw my Neuro was in April. I had more MRIs, blood tests etc in May/June and yet here we are in November and I am yet to get a follow up appointment. I suppose I should call, fight, follow up but I am all out of fight. I just want my life back.
For the first time in a year I got my studio lights back out. I was feeling good so thought it was time to get back in the saddle and revive my once thriving photography business. I stopped shooting because I was unable to commit to these very physical sessions, not to mention how hot I get under the lights. Now what? Is this some kind of cosmic sick joke? Is the Universe saying "oh she thinks she has her life back. Look at her, going to the gym and feeling good. Now she is getting her equipment out, let's show her who is really in control".
Seriously, I WANT OFF THIS RIDE!!!!!
So enough about me, how are YOU?
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