I was thinking yesterday how we forget things. Not just those of us that have cognitive issues and therefore the memory of Dori ( from the Disney movie Finding Nemo) but as Human Beings in general. What do I mean by that? Well, if it wasn't for the ability to forget then I think the world would probably be full of "only children". Let's face it, labour bloody hurts and childbirth isn't something to be taken lightly but yet a lot of us go for a second (or in my case and third and fourth) child.
I remember when I was having my second daughter, Kassidy (now a beautiful 18 year old), my waters broke in the middle of the night and I excitedly toddled off to the hospital. As soon as my first contraction hit it all came flooding back to me and I remember thinking "oh crap, I remember how much this hurts now." Thankfully it was a relatively easy delivery (drug free) and I cherish the memory of that day.
When everything settles down and you get on with your life then the really tough stuff sort of fades into the recesses of your mind. You stop focusing on them because, quite frankly, you don't have to any more. For example, at the moment I am sitting here writing with a tightness around my throat. It feels like a pressure around my windpipe. I used to hate this symptom because it makes me feel like I am being strangled and it panics me slightly. It is usually accompanied with the inability to get enough air into my lungs and as hard as I try, I feel like I can't breathe. It feels like a tight band around my middle.
It occurred to me yesterday that I had forgotten a lot of what happened to me when my symptoms were rampant during the first third of this year. The one thing that has come back to me, that I hadn't even realised had gone, is my list.
I call it my stock list. I wake up and immediately take stock of what is happening in my body. For the first time in MONTHS yesterday I got the electric shock type zingers as I got out of bed and so today I gingerly lowered my feet to the floor and stood up slowly. I used to do this every morning but I had stopped (as the zingers had gone away). Sure enough, the old electric zaps travelled up through the soles of my feet into my legs. I then got my old list out (in my head), blew off the dust and went down it. Hello old friend, it's been a while.
Zingers in my feet. Check.
Arms and fingers tingling. Check.
Legs heavy like full of wet sand. Check.
Left side of my face numb but tingly at the same time. Check.
Pressure in my head. Check.
Blood feels like ice water. Check.
Disoriented / dizzy. Check.
What really stinks is that my real life "to do" list is getting longer and longer as I don't have the energy or focus at the moment that I should have. I am determined to focus today and get a lot of work done. I won't give in to this illness, not today, not ever. I am hoping to put that symptom check list back in its box very, very soon.
So enough about me, how are YOU?
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