Mood Swing Alert!

Good Morning Bleeps.

I am having a bad day. I wasn't going to blog because how many times can you write the same thing without your readers eyes glazing over?

I have woken up three nights in a row with such intense nausea. Really awful, the kind where your mouth is watering and you wish you could just throw up as it might make you feel better. Last night I reached across to the night stand, grabbed my bottle of water and just lay there holding on to it. I knew I needed to sip some of it but my arms were so heavy that I just lay there for ages with it in my hand, willing the awful sick feeling to go away.

This morning it is really bad, if I didn't know better I would be doing a pregnancy test (what was that loud crash I just heard? Phil fainting??!! haha). I just feel soooo sick. I am also dizzy as hell, my vision is funky and my body is tingling. I am so tired of this. I am so flipping BORED with feeling like rubbish every day. Sure I have some less crap days but they are still crappy. On a scale of one to total crap, today is a seven.

Then I feel guilty and give myself a bit of a mental slap around the face because the reality is that I am lucky to only feel like this. There are people out there that have so much more to deal with so who am I to complain? I can still walk, I can still drive (although some days it is a bit of a dodgy thing to do) and I am still able to live my life in an independent way.

I can intellectualise all of that but it is still tough when I feel sick, dizzy and in pain to remember that I am one of the lucky ones.

Oh sod it, who am I kidding? I am feeling sorry for myself. I am supposed to be going to see my good friend today who I haven't seen in weeks but I am stressed about driving just the short distance to her house because of how dizzy I am. I have to drive later anyway because I need to do the school run so not going out isn't an option as I think that child abandonment is still largely frowned upon.

I need a mental kick up the backside, yes it is a bad day but it sure as hell could be worse. I apologise for my language today but quite frankly I have toned it down compared to what I REALLY want to say.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

So this is usually the end right? You see "So enough about me ... " and you know I have said what I wanted to say. I bet you were secretly relieved because boy was I in a bad mood eh?

Then the doorbell rang and my whole day changed. How can I NOT blog about what just happened when once again, it seems that when I am having one of my really bad days an act of kindness makes me feel oh. so. much. better. To use the words used by my special second Mummy Joy, it is as if there are angels right here on earth keeping me sane, making this awful time easier to deal with.

I just received these most beautiful flowers with a box of chocolates from my lovely friends Dina, Azril and their gorgeous baby Salma. I met them as a photography client but we clicked and have become friends over the last couple of years, we were supposed to meet up in London for burgers but then I got sick and it has been postponed (but we will do it!).

You guys don't know how much this means to me, in fact, I am sitting here crying like a baby. I feel physically so rotten today and yet my heart is filled with such warmth. I am so touched, I am speechless and SO GRATEFUL. I love you and will hide the chocolates to stuff all by myself when my nausea passes.

To any of you reading this that live in or visit London then you MUST go and try one of their Chewy freshly baked puffs, they are delicious, simply to die for!

So (again) enough about me, how are YOU?

Warning: Emotional Wreck Ahead!

Good Morning Bleeps.

I don't know where to start today, I am completely and utterly hacked off. Yesterday I told you about my great day (the previous day) and how I was able to do lots around the house without feeling tired at all. Well, let me tell you that what the Universe gave me with one hand, it punched me right in the smacker with the other. Yesterday was AWFUL.

I woke up feeling OK, nothing out of the ordinary just the usual feelings of fatigue and some tingling. Then as the morning went on I realised that I was starting to lose feeling in my leg. My left thigh had gone completely numb. It is not unusual for me to have heavy legs with what feels like growing pains (x100) but this was different, something new. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING ELSE NEW! Do you hear me Universe? Stop taking the piss.

Emotionally I was a wreck. My friend Gill phoned to tell me a funny story about her other half. He had told her that her car wasn't reversing and that the clutch had gone. She called the RAC to get help but the mechanic couldn't find anything wrong with the car. It turned out that he had been trying to reverse her car by putting it in 6th gear, what a numpty (he won't live that down for a while). Her story made me chuckle but then as soon as she asked the fatal words of "how are you today", I burst into tears. She listened patiently (as she always does) offering her support but boy did I feel like a pathetic idiot when I got off the phone, why was I letting this thing get to me so much?

I decided to shake it off, take a shower and get over myself. So I had a numb leg, so what, right? No biggie, I can deal with it especially when there are others out there dealing with a lot worse. Man up! I couldn't be bothered to do make-up, style my hair or even shave my legs (not like me at all) so it was sweatpants and a ponytail.

I came downstairs to a phone call from my Mum. More tears. Really? REALLY Karen? For goodness sake woman, why was I not able to keep a lid on my emotions? What the heck? Who was this whack job? MS: 2 - Karen: 0.

I made myself another cup of coffee (because on top of everything I am trying to lose the 10lbs I have put on from comfort eating and so have put myself on a very unhealthy coffee only diet) and tried to shake it off. I faffed around on Twitter (which I have a sudden addiction to) and FaceBook and then my lovely sister called. BAM, round three of crying like a baby. It was starting to get embarrassing now. Seriously chick, pull yourself together. MS: 3 - Karen: 0.

OK that was it, I was all cried out. I was exhausted from it all. I decided to say FUMS, you are not going to beat me.  Was it wine o'clock yet?

I had a diversion in the afternoon when the plumber arrived to fix our downstairs loo. He hadn't been here long when all of a sudden the house was filled a terrible smell. When I went down to investigate he told me how had needed to remove the whole toilet to get to the pipes, the smell of drains was disgusting. Suddenly the smell in the house was matching how I was feeling. Like sh!t.

Phil arrived home and I was telling him about the plumbing and I guess he sensed that all was not well and asked "bad day?" Yup you've guessed it, MORE tears. I broke down for the forth time in one day, pathetic. I told him that I feel like a broken record and that people will stop wanting to call me or talk to me if all I do is cry.

He reassured me, hugged me and was his usual supportive self, rubbing my back as I cried like a fool. I poured myself a rather large glass of wine (sod the liver) and started to relax, the rest of the evening was tear free (probably run out).

This morning I have cried some more. Luckily Phil has left for work but I apologised to Kassidy for being so emotional. She is so supportive and such a sweetheart and she said "Mum, you only got diagnosed in December, this is all still very new. I would think you were weird if you wasn't upset now and then".  She went on to say that this was a life changing thing so of course I will have down days. Down days? I feel like I have had down WEEKS.

I feel angry, resentful and basically pissed of with the world. I really need to find a way to deal with this better, some days I think I am doing really well and then like a wave it hits me and I am back at square one. I am told that this is all part of the grieving process and as trained counsellor I can intellectualise it and recognise it but I don't want to feel it any more.

Maybe I am swinging between the anger, denial and sadness parts of the grieving process. I sure as heck am nowhere near acceptance. I think I will ignore the phone today, it isn't fair to friends and family to keep burdening them with this. It is ME that has MS, not them.

So I guess in a nutshell, MS is kicking my emotional bum at the moment but even though I may be down, I am not OUT.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

Speak No Evil

Good Morning Bleeps.

Monday again, already? Where do the weekends go? Yesterday, as you may have read, I woke up feeling squiffy. My face was numb and my left arm had been taken over by aliens who were weighing it down and zapping it with electric currents, pins and needles. I decided to ignore it and just enjoy the day as much as possible.

I have mentioned that I am conscious of not talking about how I am feeling all of the time, that I am worried my family will get fed up with hearing it. The response I got from this was very supportive with comments (on Facebook) such as "I know the feeling of not wanting to talk about how you're feeling or wanting to harass others with it, but I do think it's the best thing you can do for your mental health. Anyone that truly loves you will understand that you need to vent and will deal with their own frustrations."

My sister also commented that "the people that love you will be here to support you and want you to vent to them. This is our journey together. You are never alone. Love you" (love you too sis). These comments and the support I have had from friends and family mean so much to me. I am not sure how other MSers feel about this? How do they balance the need to share and offload with not being a burden to their family and friends? Without making people want to say "we get it, now shut the heck up"?

Lately there have been times that I have mentioned not feeling well to the response of a blank stare, no response or a bog standard reply of "that's not good". At that point I feel like a jerk and slightly embarrassed and immediately wish I hadn't said anything. I don't blame anyone for this, how bloody boring must I sound and how many times do I have to let people know how tired I am or how much part a, b or c of my body is tingling, numb, hurting or heavy? What do I expect them to say? Do?

The reality is as much as feeling like this sucks, I have so much to be grateful for. I am in a happy relationship with a lovely man and my children are healthy and happy. I have a wonderful family and I have caring friends (some great new ones that I have met as a result of this invisible monster). We have a roof over our heads and food in the cupboard. I work for myself and I play by my own rules, I am blessed and I know this. I like to think of myself as a glass half full person and I guess this is why being stuck in this rut of negativity (and I do feel a bit stuck) isn't sitting well with me. I am not happy with who I am at the moment and I resent my body and the way I feel most days.

Take yesterday for example, even though I felt awful when I woke up, I was determined that I was just going to get on with it. I drove to collect my daughter from a friend's house, went to the store and bought food, came home and made bacon sandwiches and then went on to peel a billion vegetables (ok, maybe only a million) and cooked a roast.

Phil left at about four to take his daugher home (about 4.5 hour round trip) and I flaked on the sofa watching Friends re-runs with two of my girls. It got to about six o'clock and I completely hit a wall. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, I was exhausted.

I wondered if maybe I was tired because I had been sitting still too long. You hear all of the time people saying things like "I am so tired and yet I haven't done anything" and so I decided to do some housework to see if I could "perk" myself up. I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the carpets and basically made the house sparkly clean (with candles lit and everything). After an hour or so of playing Mrs Mopp I sat back down with a glass of wine and all of a sudden my legs started to burn like you wouldn't believe. They felt heavy as though filled with wet sand and the ants were back crawling up and down under my skin. I felt so nauseas that I thought I was going to throw up and I was just exhausted. I wanted to cry.

My body was letting me know that I had overdone it. Just regular household stuff is now over-doing it? That sucks. I vented on one of my MS support group message boards about how I was feeling, hoping that I would "get it all out" before Phil came home. Of course I did tell him how I was feeling but then felt pathetic and weak for not being able to keep it to myself.

Later on, as we cuddled up in bed, Phil commented that I was being a fidget and asked was I not comfortable? I told him I was fine but I wasn't fine at all. My arms were dead weights and my fingers were throbbing with intense tingles, like they each had an electrode attached to them and were being zapped in time with my pulse. I just didn't want to bore him (or myself) with saying it out loud.

Today my legs are KILLING me. Did you ever get "growing pains" as a kid? Imagine that times ten. They are throbbing and feel heavy. I have a lot to do today but luckily it is graphic design / brochure work so I don't have to get off the couch too much until the school run later (oh, and take a shower in there somewhere too).

So today I am venting about how I am feeling here (you can click off, my family can't) but I really am going to try to not burden my loved ones too much. Hopefully by the time they all get home I will be feeling better and so when I tell them that I am fine, I will mean it!

So enough about me, how are YOU?

Back On The Emotional Roller Coaster

Yesterday was rough. I am not going to lie. I cried ... a LOT! My poor sister took the brunt of my emotional overload on the phone. Even though we live over 4000 miles apart, she and I are super close and speak on the phone most days.

She has a lot going on in her life at the moment, things that would break most people and yet she is always there to listen to me. I will never be able to put into words what she means to me or how much I love her. She is such a special gift in my life, she is my biggest supporter and is always on my side. Poor thing probably regretted asking that dreaded question "How are you feeling today?"

I was having one of those days where I was feeling extremely sorry for myself. I was working on only a couple of hours of sleep and I felt dizzy, exhausted, tingly and numb. I was back on the emotional roller-coaster that is MS.

Since doing my research into my symptoms (both pre and post diagnosis) I have joined many MS groups looking for information about the disease, as well as possible treatment options. I have been very lucky and have met lots of new friends and they too have been a great source of support and advice as I struggle to come to terms and adjust to my feelings, both physical and emotional.

Some MSers that I have become friends with are further along the path of being diagnosed and have learned how to manage their day-to-day "stuff". Others are more like me, still riding the ride of emotions from day-to-day and fumbling around trying to adjust. One of these lovely ladies was offering me support yesterday and I told her that my blog was going to be so depressing at this rate and that I might not bother, I don't want to bring people down. She replied "but it's just the truth of MS. People with the illness will be able to relate".


I got through my day and decided to "snap out" of the funk I was in. I prepared a meal made from a new recipe and pushed all the negative thoughts to the back of my mind so that I could enjoy the evening with Phil and my girls.

However, the only way I can describe my evening as I sat watching TV is psychological torture. It was like there was an electrical storm inside my body. Tingling in my legs, electric type zaps in my fingers and toes, a numb face (complete with tingling lips and tongue) and the return of the ice-cube in my brain. I so badly wanted to neck a couple of glasses of Pinot Grigio to dull these senses but I was determined not to. I don't think the cure to MS is at the bottom of a bottle!

Sometimes this feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I want to wake up! I want to make plans and look forward to them without the immediate thought entering my mind of "but what if I don't feel good on that day". Phil and I were watching a TV show and someone was talking about his trip to Vegas. Phil and I have both been to Vegas but never together, he looked at me and said "we should go to Vegas, we would have a wild time". We WOULD have a wild time because we both like to party but then the little voice in my head said "but what if you couldn't handle it, what if you didn't feel good and ruined the whole trip?" SOD OFF voice in my head, always bringing me down lately.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep so I took a sleeping tablet. I lay in bed willing my body to "switch off" so that I could sleep. Finally the tablet did work its magic and I drifted off, sleeping right the way through until 7am.

This morning I have a sleeping pill "hangover" and my body is zippy-zappy as always. I won't let it drag me down today however because it is "Date Night" with my man and I have a lovely Indian meal to look forward to. I might even have ONE glass of wine.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

Back in Wonderland?

Hopefully you will know my story if you read my first blog.  You will be familiar with how I was fobbed off by Doctors until I paid out of pocket to go private and finally got to a diagnosis of MS on Dec 22.

Well, when I had that follow up appointment (privately) with my Neurologist he realised that although he had the results of my brain MRI (which showed the lesions) he didn't have any for my spine.  He re-read his notes and realised that it was his error and that he hadn't actually ordered the spinal one, only one of my brain.  He apologised up and down and said he would need to re-do as he felt that my leg heaviness and limb symptoms may be as a result of spinal lesions.

It was at that moment I asked him if I would need to pay again for the test as I was self-funding. He said that he hadn't actually realised I was self-funding and that he had probably saved me hundreds of pounds. He went on to add that he would transfer me across to his NHS list and see me in clinic, I felt that finally I had someone on my side.

Yesterday I went to see him, armed with a list of new symptoms and to find out what the next step is. He explained that they have to run all the tests again (through the NHS) I guess almost ticking off the boxes to fit the protocol to diagnosis (he said it gets tricky with someone that starts private and then goes back to the NHS).  He said that they have to "gather the evidence" and satisfy all the steps so at this point I am at an official diagnosis now of "Probable MS".  Fine, I can accept that.  There are rules and protocol, I get it.

What I don't get is this; Once I do all of these tests and if I get to a diagnosis (again) of MS he said that I need to prepare myself for the fact that I probably won't fit the criteria for the DMD's (Disease Modifying Drugs).

So excuse my graphic choice today but it does accurately portray how I am feeling.  Screw you medical system.  I am fobbed off for years, go back and forth to finally get a diagnosis and then my Doctor jumps back on the fence.  I need to go through more tests, including having a needle in my back to collect spinal fluid (no small thing for a chicken like me) and then after all that IF I do get an answer I won't be eligible for medication.



Until when?  How rubbish does my quality of life have to get before I meet whatever the target is?

Where does this leave me? Am I officially back in Limbo-Land?  Do I get my hopes up that I am not actually a member of this club that nobody wants to belong to? Am I back to facing a name-less enemy (even though I have already been told I have MS once)?  Does it even matter though as I don't get the ammo to fight it because I "probably won't fit the criteria"?

What does this mean?  Is this IT?  I have to feel like this all the time?  I feel like I am going CRAZY.

So last night I was beside myself as once again insomnia kicked in at 2.30.  I lay in bed thinking "what if".  What if the rest of the tests come back negative?  If he is no longer willing to diagnose me based on the brain scan, symptoms and history as he did in December and the rest of the tests come back clear, then what?

He still thinks this is a neurological disorder as I have had every blood test under the sun, ruling out other mimics such as B12 deficiency, Lyme etc so in the early hours of the morning I Googled; Neurological disorders that mimic MS.

Nothing fits my symptoms except something called Fibromyalgia, although apparently this doesn't show up on an MRI and I have something on my MRI.  Also, it just doesn't quite "fit".  Am I grasping at straws? Uugh I am soooo confused and sad.

I have had many facebook messages from other MSers who took YEARS to get their diagnosis and I am so worried that I will be in their shoes.  I just want to KNOW.

Maybe I should change my Blog title to My Journey Through LaLa Land because that is how it feels.  I am sure there will be Limbo-Landers who can relate to this Blog today as well as MSers who may have had the ups and downs to diagnosis.

I am convinced that it is not only the disease that causes the 75% depression rate but also the way we have to struggle and fight to find out what the heck is going on with our bodies.

So where do I go from here? I will do all the stupid tests and regardless of whether I get an answer or not, drugs or not, I will continue to be fabulous and live my life, enjoy my family, love my sexy man, have my laughs with friends, take my holidays, drink my wine and sing karaoke.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

You Are Invited

To my pity party.  Mood swing alert!  Has anyone seen my sense of humour?  I seem to have mislaid it this morning. Anyone that has been reading my blogs (thank you) may have noticed that I am trying my best to "soldier on" with a smile (and a laugh) and not be dragged down by this thing but let me tell you that today I am finding this really tough.

Yesterday afternoon I lost my right arm.  Not in a "where did you last have it" sort of way but it just went "dead" on me.  I kept feeling like I needed to stretch it out or shake it.  It felt like someone had filled it with lead and at the same time like ice cold water was being poured up and down inside.  This was a new feeling, another symptom to add to the list.

I decided to shove this horrible sensation to the back of my mind because I had arranged to go see my lovely friend for a coffee and catch-up. I excitedly told her about my blog and how I was determined to keep positive and happy.  She listened thoughtfully (as she always does) and then she asked me if maybe it hadn't really sunk in.  She knows me quite well and can read me like a book most times and she commented that while she thinks it is great that I am keeping my chin up, she wondered if maybe "somewhere" I was still hoping or expecting the doctor to tell me that this was all a big mistake and that I don't really have MS.  Rather than tell her she was wrong or off-base, I sat and thought about it for about two whole seconds and then I started to cry.

There I was all, "I am so cool about this, in fact I am enjoying my blog and this could be a whole new thing in my life" (which is partly true) but then once again it hit me that actually this SUCKS.  I don't want MS.  I want to return it but can't find the receipt.  Where are the ctrl, alt, delete buttons for this thing?

Today I have woken up (after another night of tossing, turning and hardly any sleep) with my arm still heavy like lead.  I am seeing my Neurologist this morning for the first time since my diagnosis and I am going armed with a list of questions and new symptoms with the hope that he will start me on my treatment.

I don't know the protocol of how this all works, I guess today is the day that I will find out.


So I guess this is a bit of a reality check in as much as I won't always be able to smile on this roller coaster and I will have the occasional pity party (cue music; "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to").

I SO don't want to be a "Donny Downer" as I have had so many people tell me how they admire my positive attitude but I guess I am just a mere mortal after all (boy, is that disappointing to realise) and today I am feeling a bit sorry for myself.

So enough about me, how are YOU?

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

When I started this blog just over a week ago it was largely for selfish reasons. I wanted to write out my thoughts, feelings and experiences as I faced this challenge head on.  I have been overwhelmed by the fact that it has been read by thousands of people already (seriously, how crazy is that?) and I have had such an outpouring of support and love.  I have had other MSers tell me how it has helped them to read about someone that feels similar to them and I have been very humbled and honoured by the messages.

I have also had a couple of people ask if I am concerned that I might offend other MSers with my sense of humour. I really hadn't considered this as a possibility as I simply write from the heart and from my own experiences. I do use humour to express myself but I am in no way trivialising this awful illness.

Ask any of my friends (going right back to primary school) and they will tell you that I have always been a bit of a clown.  I will be the first person up on the karaoke (even though I am tone deaf - sorry Pixie Lott for killing your songs!) and I will quite often be the girl that makes a complete idiot of herself at a party.

It's just who I am and who I have always been and let me be clear, I have MS but it doesn't have ME.  I won't let it change who I am as a person.

It did get me thinking though that when we are faced with something negative in our lives (and surely a chronic, life-long, possibly life-changing, brain-eating disease with no cure qualifies?) then in my opinion this is the EXACT time that we need to dig deep and try to use our sense of humour. What is the alternative?  Crawl up into a ball in the corner of a room, wailing "it's not fair"?  No thanks.

I wont lie, I have had my moments and I am sure I will have many, MANY more.  I have sat and cried like a baby but it is usually out of frustration that I am feeling weak or I have a new symptom that makes me wonder if the rouge soldiers in my brain have launched a new attack.  Then it is time to dry the tears, take a deep breath and carry on with a smile.

When I came up with my T-Shirt idea of "It's Not Merlot, it's MS", my partner Phil said he would get a T-Shirt to wear at the same time that reads; "I'm with the Drunk".  I couldn't stop laughing at the visual I got of us both wearing those shirts.  I supposed there might be some people that might not "get" our sense of humour or our ability to make jokes at a "time like this" but actually it is the jokes and laughter that have kept me from sinking into a very dark place.

I read an article that said statistics show that 75% of MSers suffer from depression.  That is awful but I can understand why, it can be a very lonely disease.  They say that you don't "get" MS until you GET MS and that is why I am trying my best, through sharing my own experiences to raise awareness.


So, I leave you with this little poem that I threw together (hope you enjoy):

Tingle tingle on my tongue,
Please go away, it isnt fun.
Twitchy twitchy little toes,
When will it stop?  nobody knows.

Feeling numb all in my feet,
Makes it hard to feel the street.
I stumble left, I wobble right,
I must look drunk, a funny sight.

MSers listen, one and all,
There is an upside after all.
You forget a birthday or a date,
It's your disease, they cannot hate.

So keep your chin up, soldier on,
Or else this illness will have won.
Keep on smiling, you know its right,
Don't let it beat you, fight the fight!


One of my friends recently said I could be the "Carrie Bradshaw of MS" and what a great compliment although to be fair, if I bought myself a pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choos I would probably just fall on my bum!

So enough about me, how are YOU?

I'm an Angry Bird

When I was a bereavement counsellor, I had a client who was "stuck" in her grief and at every session would wail "why me?"  As a non-judgemental counsellor it was my job to help her through these feelings but I have to be honest, there was a tiny part of me that sometimes thought "why not you?"

Fast forward a few years and as I face this new challenge of MS I have been all over the place with my feelings, even dipping into a little bit of "why me?" but as I thought of my client - why NOT me?

Of course it is only two short weeks since I was officially diagnosed but since my first Neurologist maaaaaaaaany years ago, the symptoms that I have been experiencing over the last couple of years fit MS so much that I suppose in some ways I had almost diagnosed myself.  It's fair to say it wasn't a surprise at all.

The day I was diagnosed was December 22nd and my Mum had flown in from Florida, where she lives, to spend Christmas with us.  That night as I was going to bed, after talking it all through, my Mum actually said to me that I needed to take this "more seriously" as it is in my nature to joke (I guess it is a coping mechanism).  Well, I have moved on from the jokes and now I am ANGRY!

Even though I had my suspicions I was also hoping it would be something like a trapped nerve or something that could be "fixed".  MS can't be "fixed" and each day seems to bring a new sensation and I am getting pissed off at the body that I have exercised and  looked after most of the time (with the odd burger and bottle of wine thrown in for good measure) for betraying me.

I lay in my bed at night feeling awful and I picture my brain, wondering what is going on in there?  Is more damage being done or are these symptoms a result of the lesions already there?

I am usually quite a happy person and I feel like I am turning into a grumpy, moody, weepy, pathetic person.  How annoying I must be to know right now.

I am also quite vain (which woman isn't?) so I wouldn't dream of leaving the house without my full face of make-up (including lashings of the very best under-eye concealer to hide these dark circles) so I LOOK alright to everyone, which of course is the goal when applying the cosmetics.  Then I get MAD that they can't tell how ill I feel.  

I feel myself feeling frustration towards well meaning friends who tell me that it could be worse or how they know someone with MS that is doing great.  I KNOW this is coming from a loving place to make me feel better and I would probably say exactly the same thing to someone if the situation was reversed.  I want to say that I am NOT your Auntie Mabel and the reason that MS is referred to as the snowflake disease is that no two patients are the same and will experience their MS in a different way.

Of course, this is what I want to say but I wouldn't because at least these friends and family have offered support and said something. I am so thankful for each of my lovely friends and family who have offered support, listen to me moan about my symptoms (usually for the 100th time) and have never once made me feel like I am putting on them.

The people that have hurt (and angered) me the most are the ones that have said nothing at all but then I guess at times like this you discover who you can really lean on and who really cares.

I know that anger is part of the grieving process and as an ex-counsellor I know that when a person is diagnosed with a chronic illness they may go through all sorts of emotions of grief including denial, anger, depression and finally (hopefully) acceptance.

I am in the angry bird phase right now so I apologise in advance if I am a snappy cow-bag.  I hope I don't offend or push you away along the way. I really don't mean to be such a drag.

So, enough about me - how are YOU?

x