A Rude Awakening

Good Morning Bleeps.

I hope you all are having a lovely Sunday (or indeed whatever day it is that you are reading this). I woke up this morning from a nightmare. Was I being chased by a mass murderer of falling off a cliff? Nope, I was being told that I was no longer allowed to see my Neurologist because I had missed an appointment. Doesn't sound like much of a nightmare but it was really stressful as I was crying and begging, trying to explain that I need help (and treatment) and they can't just send me away.

I know where this is stemming from. When I saw my Neuro on Jan 12th he told me that although the MRI showed lesions on my brain, he wanted to send me for a lumbar puncture as well as another MRI on my spine and an EVP test. He called the LP unit as I sat in front of him and was advised that there were only fifteen people on the waiting list so I should be seen in two to three weeks.

I have to admit that I am really nervous about this test. I know people have told me that it really isn't bad and that it isn't the scary experience that many would have you believe but I am the woman who had three of my four babies with no drugs. No epidural for me and not because I am some sort of wonder woman (although I bet I would look great in the costume) but because I am scared stiff of the idea of a needle anywhere near my spine. Yikes!

I did have my fourth little Angel (don't care that she is twelve now, she is still my little 5lb newborn in my eyes) by caesarean so I had to have the spinal block then but all cared about was the health of my baby, my own fear didn't come into it.

Anyway, I have had letters for all of my tests (MRI, EVP, Cardio Stress Test, Heart Monitor) and yet the one that I expected first hasn't arrived. In my dream the hospital called me to say that because I had pulled a "no show" for the lumbar puncture test that they had removed me from the Neuro's list. I was trying to explain to them that I never got the appointment. I was crying and pleading but the receptionist was a complete cow-bag and refused to believe me.

I woke up with the feeling of frustration and despair. It would seem that my MS is following me into my dreams. I think that as much as I am not in a hurry to have this done, I will phone my Neuro's secretary tomorrow and just make sure there hasn't been a blip in the system.

Today my face is driving me crazy with the numbness and my left arm feels heavy and weird, like it isn't part of my body. I am putting on a brave face and am about to make bacon sandwiches for breakfast. The family don't need to hear "yet again" how I am feeling. I am sure they must be getting as fed up of hearing it as I am of saying it.

So enough about me, how are YOU?