So What?!

Good Morning Bleeps.

How are you this fine Saturday morning? I am feeling pretty good today, in fact I would go as far as to say I am emotionally STABLE.

I sit here feeling physically the same as I did yesterday but I had to call the police on the pity party as it was getting out of control. I mean seriously, it was like one of those films where a teenager invites a couple of friends over when the parents are away and before you know it there are hundreds of kids drinking beer in the garden, having sex in in all the bedrooms and toilet papering the neighbourhood.

I am writing this through the little black floaties in my eyes but instead of getting upset about them I am saying "so what?" Who cares? I can still see and it could be worse. My legs are heavy, tingly and have the aching pains in them but "so what?" I can still walk. My face is numb on the left and it feels horrible as usual but "so what?" I can still move it and it looks alright now that I have covered it in slap.

I have been so focused on "what if's" over the last couple of days that I forgot about my "so whats"!

I decided yesterday afternoon to get over the blues and "get my sexy on" ready for my man to get home. I decided to start this process by taking a nice hot bath. I haven't taken a really long soak in a while so the idea of laying in a nice bubble bath sounded like luxury. I used to lay for hours in the bath reading my latest chick-lit novel but I haven't done that in ages so I was really looking forward to it. My lovely daughter Kassidy bought me a Kindle for Christmas and I was a bit nervous that my butter fingers might drop it in the bath so I just lay there, eyes closed and relaxed.

As I lay there in the hot water my hands started to freak out, an electrical storm started raging in my fingers. I have heard how some MSers can't take hot baths but I have my shower quite hot so I thought I was immune. Hmmm, maybe not. By the time I got out of the bath the room was spinning, I felt nauseas and I thought I was going to faint. The tingles in my arms and legs had magnified to an extreme level. I staggered to the bed and lay there with my towel wrapped around me, waiting for my body temperature to come down and normality to return.

I no longer give a monkeys what the tests say or if the Neuro validates me or not, that was enough evidence for me. Doctors used to do the "Hot Bath Test" to diagnose MS (I believe some still do) and I certainly "passed" yesterday.

I got myself dressed (full hair and makeup) and even though we had no plans to go anywhere I made a conscious effort when choosing my clothes. Sometimes it is easy to get sucked into a vacuum of negativity and it is easy to forget that the person that you were before you got sick is still there. Sure, it may be a different version of you, but still you. One thing that MSers HATE to hear from people is "but you look OK" but yesterday I decided that I DID look OK and so I was going to make the most of it.

With my lack of energy and gym visits lately I have felt insecure about myself and quite frankly it was time to get my mojo back and so I put on a pair of tight fitting jeans with a floaty white (sheer) blouse that I have only worn a couple of times. The look on Phil's face when he came home and called me "gorgeous" was enough to make me feel like a million dollars. I am a lucky girl, even after almost three years Phil still makes me feel desired and sexy.

So today I have my "so what?" head on and I am feeling a lot more positive. I am sure this will change from day to day and that is just the roller coaster ride that is MS but if, like me, you are having one of those days when you are feeling blue just try to remind yourself that it could be worse, you could be a dog with markings that look like a penis!

So enough about me, how are YOU?