The Secret

Good Morning Bleeps.

Yesterday I tweeted out to the universe asking who had turned my blood to iced water. This is a sensation that I get quite a lot recently, sometimes in my head (you may remember me talking about the ice cube in my brain) and often in my arms and legs. It literally feels as if my blood is running cold. I got tweeted back by a friend who said "oh bless you" to which I replied that I wasn't bothered by it, just taking it in my stride. He commented that I was "strong" (I don't think I am) but I let him in on the fact that I certainly have my days where I am full swing throwing a pity party for one (balloons and all) but yesterday wasn't going to be one of them.

I was still riding high (although hung over) from my great night in London and NO WAY was I going to let any symptoms get me down. The sun was shining and my mood was good. I have also started reading a book that was recommended to me by my lovely friend Lisa called The Secret, which basically applies the principle that whatever we put "out there" in the Universe is what you will get back. So for example if you are wearing a white dress and you constantly send out thoughts of "I bet I spill something on this white dress" you undoubtedly WILL spill something. 

So with this in mind I decided that I would not send out any messages of "I hope I don't feel any worse" or "I wish these feelings would go away" and instead I would think of "I feel great, the sun is shining and today is a good day". Logically this would mean that the Universe should actually send me a good day. I think that is how it works, although I must confess that I am only on the first chapter and have a lot of reading to do yet.

We decided to have an early night (what is it about getting older that causes hangovers to last for days instead of hours?) and was in bed by nine. As I went to bed my vision was really squiffy. The black floaters in my eyes seemed to have decided to get friendly with each other and hold hands, creating a dark grey, cloud-like disturbance to my vision. Oh well, a good night sleep would sort that out.

We watched the TV show "Embarrassing Bodies" in bed and by "watch" I mean cower under the blankets while people showed their most intimate body issues on camera (I have never seen or heard of a Buried Penis before and hope to never again!). If you are not in the UK then you should YouTube the show, it is quite a "treat". Last week there was a woman who was putting a hosepipe up her bum and giving herself coffee enemas, who does that? Yikes!

I fell off to a lovely sleep shortly after ten and didn't wake up until seven. For a change I got a lovely nine full hours of slumber. You would think I would be on top of the world today, right? Wrong!

I have woken up this morning feeling awful. There is pressure in my head and my right eyeball feels like it is being squeezed from behind. I am so dizzy and feel nauseas. The numbness in my face is back along with tingling in my lips. My legs are heavy and full of iced water again. I also have the fog over my eyes and I am exhausted, as if I haven't rested for days.

I am really trying to not let this get me down today. I am sending the Universe a very important message today of "I have work to do and so I feel great". Hopefully the Universe will send me the ACTUAL feeling of "great" back to me. While I am at it I wonder if I sit and think of how wealthy I am, will I win the lottery? I think I need to chat to my friend Lisa and find out how this works.

I really do think that your frame of mind can determine what sort of day you have but it is really hard when you feel like crap to feel positive. I told Phil the other day that I don't think my symptoms bother me any more, that I am an observer of them but they will no longer make me sad. I said that maybe finally I had "let it go" and reached the acceptance stage of living with a chronic illness. Today I am not so sure, today I am feeling fed up that even though I had a great night sleep, I feel worse today than I did yesterday. Maybe my body is just rebelling because I gave it a good pasting with alcohol on Sunday but is that what is going to happen now? A good night = pay for it later? That sort of sucks to be honest.

I think I need to read some more of this book because although I haven't slipped completely back into the pity party today, I am sort of standing at the back door, holding a balloon and am tempted to go in. I simply do not have time for it today however as I have websites to work on. I have to keep the positive energy flowing.

So enough about me, how are YOU?