Bottoms Up!

Yesterday I decided to pick myself up, brush myself off and get on with it (whatever that means).  I mean, if the Doctors won't help me then I just have to help myself!

I was speaking to an MSer who has been fighting for an "official" diagnosis for YEARS and has been where I am.  Her advice was to find a way to deal with my symptoms without drugs (not that I can get them anyway).  She gave me a ton of useful tips and I felt really encouraged by her positive messages of support (thanks Kay).

I am also quite aware that I don't want to be a complete drag where my man is concerned.  He met a healthy, happy, FUN woman and not someone who is sick and tired all the time.  I don't want him to get sick and tired of me being sick and tired!

I pulled out my skinny jeans with a sexy, low cut top (hey, if you've got it flaunt it right?) and got myself glammed up to go out for a nice Indian meal.  Since I got sick I haven't been able to go running and then on top of that we have had Christmas so I have gained a few pounds. I have had people tell me that I needed to and that I was "too skinny" anyway (is there such a thing as too skinny?) but I need to feel good about myself so I have been dieting this week (or at least laying off the pork pies and biscuits).

When Phil came home and asked how I am feeling, I replied "Fabulous". Little white lies don't count in this situation.

We arrived at the Indian and I was given my usual large glass of wine (they don't even ask now, the waiters know us so well that they just bring our drinks) and I slowly sipped on it as I munched on popadoms and looked over the menu.  Because I hadn't eaten much during the day the wine went right to my head.

The things is, as soon as I start to feel tipsy I stop feeling tingly.  The horrible sensations that seem to constantly run through my body fade away and I feel like my normal self (almost).  I am not even bothered by my numb face, all feels right with the world. So one drink led to two, led to three .... you get my point.

I have asked other MSers if they drink alcohol and some do while others can't touch a drop.  Much like the disease it seems that it is different for everyone with how their bodies respond to it. I don't feel any worse for drinking usually (and I do like my wine) but let me tell you I was awoken by the most intense electric shock sensations in my finger tips in the middle of night.  My arms were going crazy, literally freaking out with tingling and zappy feelings with a whole new level of intensity. I was literally jumping with every shock.

Was my body rebelling?  Was it reminding me that ultimately I will have to pay the price for my fun?

I have been reading books about managing MS through diet and healthy lifestyle and I have to be honest, I am not sure if I am up to the job 100%. I have never been one of these people that can throw themselves into what it "good for them", although I have started drinking a "Green Machine" smoothie every day.  It has all of my 5-a-day with algae and wheatgrass thrown in for good measure and it actually doesn't taste bad. That is a HUGE step in the right direction for me as I usually alternate between coffee, starvation and junk food.

Today I feel muzzy headed (self inflicted and totally deserved) but you know what?  It was worth it.  Life is too short to not drink wine and sometimes I think it is important to try to re-connect with who you were BEFORE you felt unwell because it is easy to become all-consumed by it and somehow lose your sense of self.  I will continue to work on that side of myself - I am too FABULOUS to lose "me" to MS after all.

So enough about me, how are YOU?