My New Clothing Line?

Yesterday started out quite well.  My symptoms, although present, weren't as bad as they usually are which is surprising since I had hardly any sleep the night before.

I decided that I would take advantage of feeling a bit better and managed to get quite a lot of work done in the morning.

Now, I am a bit of control freak (a BIT? I hear my family say!) and although I have read that with this disease you should take it easy and try to not "over-do", it just isn't my style to do what I am told.

During my research on many websites, books and articles I have read of people with MS that run marathons, swim the channel and conquer dragons (I'm being facetious but you get my point) and so I am determined to control MS rather than let it control ME.  I want to battle with dragons!

With hindsight I probably did too much because by the time it came to do the school run I was feeling a bit "squiffy".  I had arranged to meet my daughter at a nearby supermarket (avoiding the awful school car park and getting food at the same time, win win!).  As I drove to the store I felt as though I was in control of a roller coaster instead of a VW Golf and by the time I got to my destination the ground was positively moving underneath me.  Please don't yell at me, I wont dizzy drive again. I have already been told off by my other half for not calling him but another issue I have is asking for help.

I navigated around the supermarket on the verge of hysterics as I walked on what felt like candy floss (that's cotton candy to my friends across the pond) and the aisles of the supermarket swam in front of me.  Shopping list in hand I was determined to get all of the items on it and soldier on.  What I actually wanted to do was sit on the floor and cry.

As I got near the last aisle I completely lost my balance and stumbled to the side.  Luckily I was holding tight to the trolley (cart) so I didn't fall on my bum and totally embarrass myself.  As I stumbled, a passing man shot me a look of total disgust and it occurred to me that this complete stranger thought I was drunk or high on something.  I suppose I must have looked quite a sight but it hurt, BAD, and it took every ounce of my strength not to completely lose the plot.

Once again my outward appearance was not matching what was going on inside my body.  I wanted to run away and hide in shame (although for now my running days are over so I would have had to crawl away) but then I thought to myself why should I let someone else's misconception (and judgement, the jerk) make me feel worse that I already did?

Maybe if I had an obvious outward sign of feeling unwell (or a T-shirt?) then maybe the same man might have offered a helping hand or asked me if I was OK.  Perhaps this is one of the lessons that I might have to learn as I get to grips with this thing - grow a thick skin and don't worry what other people think.  Through my whole life I have always worried far too much about what other people think of me and I have always wished that was something I could change.  MS might force me to to do just that so maybe I should look at it as a gift.


So enough about me, how are YOU?
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