MSRC Counsellors Are The BEST!

Good Morning Bleeps.

I am happy to report that my headache is GONE. Well, not completely gone but the excruciating pain is no more and what is left is a muzzy, hangover type feeling. I am very used to dealing with THAT feeling.

This morning I have been back to the hospital for my EP test. I am sure the lady on reception looked at me as if to say "not YOU again". They should give out loyalty cards like they do at supermarkets, I'd have tons of points by now. The amount I have paid out in hospital parking alone would be enough to feed a small country.

The test itself was straight forward, they put electrodes all over your head and you sit and stare at a red dot on a screen that gets bigger and smaller as black and white checks move all around it. The lady doing the test said the results were normal. I asked her what that means and she said it just means that my optic nerve hasn't been damaged. Of course this is good news but I am so nervous that all of these new tests will show nothing and I will be left in limbo land with a diagnosis of "Probably MS". This will mean that my GP will continue to fob me off as "anxious" and I won't get the support of an MS nurse.

I suppose I shouldn't jump the gun and assume the "worst" as the CSF results from my lumbar puncture aren't in yet and I am probably getting ahead of myself. It strikes me as odd that for me "the worst" is that all my tests will be normal but I am sure that anyone in Limbo Land with symptoms will get where I am coming from. It is much better to know what you are up against, how can you fight a faceless enemy?

I sit here writing with the bottoms of my feet totally numb. As I rub my feet back and forth on the carpet and I can feel it on my toes (and the ball of my feet) but not my heels, it is sooooo weird. My legs are heavy, like they are full of wet sand but not so bad that I can't walk. My head has that awful cold sensation going on, like my brain is sitting in ice cubes. Something has be causing my body to feel all of these funky feelings, right? This is NOT all in my head. I wonder if other people have moments like this when they question their sanity. What if this IS all in my head, should I start shopping for that sparkly pink straight jacket? I mean, if I am going to the funny farm then I still want to look good.


I was chatting to other MSers on Twitter this morning and was advised by one of my favourite charities that I stalk, I mean follow, (The Multiple Sclerosis Resource Centre) to call and speak to one of their advisors. I explained that I would probably cry and embarrass myself but I was assured that this is what they are there for and so I thought, why not? and made the call.

As feared I blubbed like a fool through the whole conversation but my goodness that woman was a SAINT! Just to have someone listen and VALIDATE my feelings was amazing and it felt good to offload my fears of being stuck in Limbo Land. The lady was so kind and totally understood where I was coming from. She told me that I could call back any time, even if I don't ever get the official diagnosis and she would advise me where to go next.

I said to her that I just want one of two things. I either want an absolute diagnosis so that I can move forward OR I want the symptoms gone so that I can have my life back, go running and get rid of some of this bloody weight that I have gained through being sedentary. Feeling rubbish about myself on top of feeling ill in general is not helping. I am MUCH to vain to have to squeeeeeeeze into my skinny jeans.

It was a great comfort though after all of the bad experiences I have had lately with people like my own GP and the idiot moron at A&E last week that there is some really good help out there if you know how to find it. I can't thank the MSRC enough for the work they do. They even tweeted me to ask how my head was feeling, that means SO much to me! If you haven't already, please join them on Facebook and/or Twitter.

Anyway, for now I am oh SO grateful that the awful pain in my head is gone and on top of that, it is the weekend. I am looking forward to watching the new episode of Benidorm on TV later (love that show because it is so stupid that it makes it funny) and I may even have a cheeky glass of wine or two. Happy Friday my friends.

So enough about me, how are YOU?